I called the VA this morning to make my semi-annual appointment with one of the nation's finest primary care doctors. Wait a moment, I was told, because there was a new menu and I had to hear it all before pressing a button. One of the new features is "Press 8 if you feel suicidal or homicidal."
Sad, isn't it? It puzzles me because in earlier conflicts during my lifetime the risk of being killed or maimed was far greater and living conditions were far worse. It doesn't matter if I get it or not, that's just the way it is today.
There is hope, although it's not exactly visible on the horizon. Men are doomed. At least that's what a new survey reveals and it's all because of chromosomes or something like that. Males are losing them at a rapid pace, they say. Not too rapid, apparently, as the end won't come for a few million years. Or maybe it's a few billions years, but either way it doesn't much matter to those of us living today.
Now here's a bit of really good news. Teetotallers are social misfits. Along with being short on social skills they have higher levels of depression and anxiety than the rest of us and have more mental problems than even the heaviest drinkers.
That doesn't surprise me even a little but there's another study I am in complete disagreement with. It says that "beer goggles," meaning, I think, staring at frails through the bottom of a beer bottle, makes them less attractive. Admittedly I have polished off a few beers in my time but never, not even once, have I looked over the babes at the bar through the bottom of the empty bottle. I guess what they mean is that after downing a few drinks a man finds women unappealing. Having studied the actions of men in bars at close range, not in a laboratory, I can say without fear of contradiction that anyone who believes such a thing is full of something less tasty than beer.
This conclusion, I want to make perfectly clear, comes from watching the actions of other men, not myself.