More stuff you couldn't make up
Just about the time you think you've heard everything a woman has to have a toilet seat surgically removed from her posterior and it turns out she had been sitting there on the throne for two years. Guinness will have to add a new category to its book of records. At least I hope it does because the idea that this isn't a record is unthinkable.
This was in a house trailer, or mobile home if you prefer. Her boyfriend lived there with her. It seems safe to assume that sometime during those two years he wanted to use the facilities himself, so what did he do? The possibilities also are unthinkable.
Then it turns out New York Governor Eliot Spitzer didn't pay $3,100 for an hour or so of joy with a hooker. He paid $4,300. The guv got off easy because the usual rate is $5,000. Some wag said he may have had coupons.
Seventy-two is too old to take on the job of president but a number of young punks have been learning that it doesn't pay to mess around with octogenarians. Recently one of those no-goods broke into a house thinking the old fellow who lived there would be an easy mark. Big mistake; he ended up in the hospital, shot. Then an elderly woman got the better of another punk but my favorite came this week when a 20-year-old tried to snatch the purse of an 83-year-old woman while she was pumping gas. He got conked on the head with the nozzle and soon found himself in jail. "I could take him any day," the woman said.
And so it goes. Here at home I've been fighting a kidney infection that makes it impossible to do much of anything physical such as bending down. As a result Jackie has to do a great many things for me. These little services have been done with good grace although there have been a few comments about my habits and behavior. I'm understanding about that but can't help feeling a little resentful when she frequently compares me with a hamster. Our hamster Sophie seems to feel the same way about it although she usually is too busy begging for treats or insisting on being allowed out to roll around in her plastic ball to bother with little distractions.
Like all hamsters, Sophie is somewhat self-centered and is an expert at looking out for Number One, meaning herself. This, I feel certain, is not the reason Jackie believes Sophie and I share similar characteristics.
http://www.dickstodghill.com/
This was in a house trailer, or mobile home if you prefer. Her boyfriend lived there with her. It seems safe to assume that sometime during those two years he wanted to use the facilities himself, so what did he do? The possibilities also are unthinkable.
Then it turns out New York Governor Eliot Spitzer didn't pay $3,100 for an hour or so of joy with a hooker. He paid $4,300. The guv got off easy because the usual rate is $5,000. Some wag said he may have had coupons.
Seventy-two is too old to take on the job of president but a number of young punks have been learning that it doesn't pay to mess around with octogenarians. Recently one of those no-goods broke into a house thinking the old fellow who lived there would be an easy mark. Big mistake; he ended up in the hospital, shot. Then an elderly woman got the better of another punk but my favorite came this week when a 20-year-old tried to snatch the purse of an 83-year-old woman while she was pumping gas. He got conked on the head with the nozzle and soon found himself in jail. "I could take him any day," the woman said.
And so it goes. Here at home I've been fighting a kidney infection that makes it impossible to do much of anything physical such as bending down. As a result Jackie has to do a great many things for me. These little services have been done with good grace although there have been a few comments about my habits and behavior. I'm understanding about that but can't help feeling a little resentful when she frequently compares me with a hamster. Our hamster Sophie seems to feel the same way about it although she usually is too busy begging for treats or insisting on being allowed out to roll around in her plastic ball to bother with little distractions.
Like all hamsters, Sophie is somewhat self-centered and is an expert at looking out for Number One, meaning herself. This, I feel certain, is not the reason Jackie believes Sophie and I share similar characteristics.
http://www.dickstodghill.com/
posted by Dick Stodghill | 3/13/2008 03:38:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home