Ralph Nader - a publicity hound, a perpetual loser

What can be said about a man who insists on making a nuisance of himself? A man such as Ralph Nader, for example. For starters you can say he's a loser. Add publicity hound to the description and don't fail to include pathetic excuse for a human being. Spoiled brat should be in there too. It's easy to picture him interrupting adult business by jumping up and down while screaming, "Look at me, mommy, look at me."
A panel of politically savvy people were laughing at him on CNN today. Bill Schneider, a whiz with figures and at interpreting polls, pointed out that Nader got about 2.5 percent of the vote in 2000, fewer than half a million votes in 2004. Schneider believes the only people who will vote for him are those who otherwise wouldn't even bother going to the polls. Yet he insists on making a fool of himself by running for president again. Apparently he doesn't care if he's being laughed at just so long as he gets to amble out onto a news show once in a while looking like a confused derelict who can't find his way home.
Ignore him, that's what everyone should do. Fortunately most of us will.
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When the time comes for us to go to a pet store and pick out a new hamster, I get to name him. That's because Jackie has named our two most recent little friends, Zippy and Sophie.
So I'm naming him Ambrose. "No you're not," said Jackie. "If we have a hamster named Ambrose he will have to live in the office and you'll have to take care of him."
Taking care of a hamster means cleaning his cage, seeing that his food bowl is overflowing with stuff he likes to eat and his water bottle is always full. If you want to hear a real racket just listen to a hamster rattling the bars of his cage should he ever find his water bottle empty.
Then there is the job of seeing that he has a plentiful supply of paper for keeping his house nice and warm and never failing to supply him with a few special treats such as yogurt drops and sunflower seeds when he wakes up after a long day's sleep.
I'm too busy for that sort of thing, of course. But when it's a man's turn to name a hamster he should be able to call him anything he chooses to, including Ambrose. It would serve her right if every Ambrose in the world, and there must be a great many of them, sends her an email protesting this unjust ultimatum.

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