How to get along with women
I have often written of the time during the Korean War when I was a 26-year-old infantry section sergeant known as Pop to the young guys of 18 or 19. They'd come to me with their problems and without fail the problems concerned girls. I'd listen to their tales of woe and then always offer the same advice, "There's more than one fish in the ocean." Their faces would light up and off they'd go in search of that other fish.
Having been around the block a few more times since then, I realize there is more than that to the male-female relationship. At the top of the list comes the inferred put down. This is a trap men easily fall into and is the most dangerous of all feminine wiles. For example, while watching Casablanca together a man might say, "Ingrid Bergman was a beautiful woman." Another man would merely agree. A woman would say, "You never did think I was pretty."
Trying to make her understand, he would say, "I've always thought you are the prettiest woman in the world."
Her reply: "I see, Ingrid Bergman was beautiful but I'm just pretty."
When it reaches that point the man's only way out is to create a diversion. Leaping up while crying, "Snake!" works pretty well.
A close to home example occurred yesterday when we had chocolate pudding for dessert. It rose to a peak and had slivers of coconut on top. Now it isn't likely that things can go wrong when talking about chocolate pudding so I told Jackie it was good. She said, "It's Mount Etna Pudding, a volcano. The coconut is lava."
Only a moron would have mentioned that lava isn't white so instead I asked her who named it. She told me she did. Thinking she would take it as a compliment if I believed a famous chef had done so, I said, "I thought it might have been somebody good at naming things."
"So I'm not good at naming things?"
Although it was 55 degrees outside, the temperature inside had grown considerably cooler. Recognizing troubled waters and hoping to sooth them, I said, "No, I meant it might have been someone important."
Nope, that didn't do it.
She reminded me of a few for-instances and then said, "It's funny the things you remember and the things you forget."
"What did I forget?"
"See, you've forgotten already."
When it gets to that point the only thing a man can do is cry, "Snake!" and slink away into the shadows. Me, I headed down the hall to the office.
http://www.dickstodghill.com/
Having been around the block a few more times since then, I realize there is more than that to the male-female relationship. At the top of the list comes the inferred put down. This is a trap men easily fall into and is the most dangerous of all feminine wiles. For example, while watching Casablanca together a man might say, "Ingrid Bergman was a beautiful woman." Another man would merely agree. A woman would say, "You never did think I was pretty."
Trying to make her understand, he would say, "I've always thought you are the prettiest woman in the world."
Her reply: "I see, Ingrid Bergman was beautiful but I'm just pretty."
When it reaches that point the man's only way out is to create a diversion. Leaping up while crying, "Snake!" works pretty well.
A close to home example occurred yesterday when we had chocolate pudding for dessert. It rose to a peak and had slivers of coconut on top. Now it isn't likely that things can go wrong when talking about chocolate pudding so I told Jackie it was good. She said, "It's Mount Etna Pudding, a volcano. The coconut is lava."
Only a moron would have mentioned that lava isn't white so instead I asked her who named it. She told me she did. Thinking she would take it as a compliment if I believed a famous chef had done so, I said, "I thought it might have been somebody good at naming things."
"So I'm not good at naming things?"
Although it was 55 degrees outside, the temperature inside had grown considerably cooler. Recognizing troubled waters and hoping to sooth them, I said, "No, I meant it might have been someone important."
Nope, that didn't do it.
She reminded me of a few for-instances and then said, "It's funny the things you remember and the things you forget."
"What did I forget?"
"See, you've forgotten already."
When it gets to that point the only thing a man can do is cry, "Snake!" and slink away into the shadows. Me, I headed down the hall to the office.
http://www.dickstodghill.com/
posted by Dick Stodghill | 2/05/2008 09:58:00 AM
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