A new gadget for my belt

I have a new gadget to wear on my belt along with the watch that hangs down from a thong and can be read by merely lifting it up, the carrier for my Zippo pipe light, a holster for carrying a pipe and a pedometer. These are necessary items so I resent it when Jackie says that all I need to add is a bayonet and canteen and I'll be prepared if the Army calls me back to duty. I've often noticed that women have no idea of what a belt is for.
The thing that really rubs me the wrong way is that after making a remark like that it was Jackie herself who bought the new gadget for me. I let it pass without comment when she said she bought it a year ago but forgot to give it to me. I was tempted to say I had observed that when she buys something for the hamsters a year does not go by before she remembers to give it to them, but kept the thought to myself.
After lying on a shelf for 12 months the battery was dead, something I discovered after trying for an hour to get the gadget to work. To be truthful about it, Jackie made the discovery when she grew tired of listening to some of the words I had repeated more times than she cared to hear.
So now this gadget, which doesn't seem to have a name, is working. What it does is count calories. Never having paid a whit of attention to calories, I was corrected after saying I had used so many of them. You do not use calories, Jackie informed me, you burn them. What the gadget does, or so she said, is count the calories you have burned during the day.
So last evening I looked at it and said, "I've burned 259 calories."
Jackie checked for herself and said, "Don't you believe in decimal points? You burned 25.9 calories."
Again I didn't say what I was thinking, which was "so what?" To me that meant not one thing because the gadget didn't tell me if I had started with 50, 500 or 5,000. If you don't know where you began, how can you tell how far you have come?
I decided to check and see how many calories I used or burned or whatever while writing this blog. The answer is 15. That means eleven more and I will have surpassed yesterday's entire input. Or is it output? That sounds pretty good to me as it's only 10 o'clock in the morning. Or did I forget to see if there was a decimal point? Now ask me if I really give a hoot.

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