Paying Sincere Compliments
She also said something about me being living proof that men are descended from apes, but that's neither here nor there. This was because I scratch too much, or so she claims. I told her I only scratch when something itches. "Well go somewhere else to do it," she said.
That's hardly a satisfactory solution to keeping her happy. Jumping up and going to another room every few minutes when hit by an unexpected itch would definitely detract from the quality of my life, such as it is.
Speaking of self-improvement seminars, I once was offered an opportunity to attend one for free. It met once a week for several months, during which time I leaned all about offering sincere compliments and stuff like that. Those in the class also learned how to remember things by associating them with a series of actions. For example, you make a mental list of objects like a table, a chair, a revolving door and so on. Then when something must be remembered you associate it with a table, a chair or a revolving door. If you are supposed to bring home a loaf of bread you picture it whirling through a revolving door, that sort of thing.
We also were taught to remember names through association. While I have forgotten the exact routine, I do recall a joke about someone who attended a similar seminar. He was taught to remember people's names by making a little rhyme. After being introduced to a fat lady named Lummick he memorized, "Mrs. Lummick with the big stomach."
The next time he met her he said, "Hello, Mrs. Kelly."
So much for self-improvement seminars, memory lessons and sincere compliments.