A Merry Whatever to All

In this era of political correctness I was somewhat at a loss for a Christmas greeting to send out until good friend Abe March supplied me with this:

Subject: Holiday Greetings (as cleared by my lawyer) -
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for -
1. An environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious and/or secular traditions at all.
2. A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make the United States great (not to imply or infer that the United States is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual orientation of the wishee.
This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and is not intended, nor shall it be considered, to be limited to the usual Judeo-Christian-Islamic celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).
Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no penalty for alteration to the original greeting by subsequent and/or separate wishers. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wishee, her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same. This greeting is void where prohibited by law.