The difference between men and women
I went shopping yesterday. Grocery shopping. This doesn't happen often because Jackie contends I hold her up. This is pure fabrication and I set out to prove it. I picked up a loaf of sliced pumpernickel, a bag of ciabatta buns, a package of bite-size Snickers, a can of party peanuts and a container of ice cream. With the essentials taken care of I joined her in adding the rest of the stuff to the cart.
This proved my point, of course. If a man wants a loaf of Nickle's white bread he picks up the one on top and tosses it into the cart. A woman will stand back and look over the long row of 50 different kinds of bread, eventually picking up the top loaf of Nickle's white bread and squeezing it. Nine times out of 10 it's too soft or too hard so she reaches for a different loaf.
It gets worse at the canned goods aisle. If a can of Hunt's Tomato Sauce is on the list a man takes the top can and hurls it into the cart. A woman picks up the top can and for a moment studies the label. Then she takes an identical can and with one in each hand, compares them. As often as not she puts both cans back and does it all again with two different cans. In due time she goes back to the first can and reluctantly places it in the cart. A man can only stand tapping his foot while this goes on.
If man has bacon on the list he reaches for the package on top and drops it into the cart. A woman picks up the one on top and looks it over. Satisfied with the flat side, she holds it sideways and scans it slice by slice. It's never good enough so she repeats the routine with another pack. After that she is likely to shake her head and move on without bacon.
A man may see a couple of other men he knows and they say, "Hi," in passing because each is on a mission. A woman comes face to face with another woman she saw three hours earlier and both act like it's an unexpected reunion after 30 years of being apart. They'll talk for five minutes or so, laughing and giggling about something that probably has to do with men.
At the fruit and vegetables. Jackie picked up a cantaloupe and examined it as closely as a bomb expert examines an unexploded grenade. Then she sniffed it. A man would rather undergo the Chinese water torture than be seen sniffing a cantaloupe. After half a dozen melons failed the sniff test, she found one that pleased her.
So that's the way it went yesterday. After what seemed an eternity we approached the checkout lanes. But no, Jackie suddenly remembered one more thing which naturally was 50 yards away at the far end of the store. Mission accomplished, she headed back toward the checkout area with me following 10 or 12 feet behind. Along the way she glanced over her shoulder and said, "Will you get a move on? You're holding me up."
This proved my point, of course. If a man wants a loaf of Nickle's white bread he picks up the one on top and tosses it into the cart. A woman will stand back and look over the long row of 50 different kinds of bread, eventually picking up the top loaf of Nickle's white bread and squeezing it. Nine times out of 10 it's too soft or too hard so she reaches for a different loaf.
It gets worse at the canned goods aisle. If a can of Hunt's Tomato Sauce is on the list a man takes the top can and hurls it into the cart. A woman picks up the top can and for a moment studies the label. Then she takes an identical can and with one in each hand, compares them. As often as not she puts both cans back and does it all again with two different cans. In due time she goes back to the first can and reluctantly places it in the cart. A man can only stand tapping his foot while this goes on.
If man has bacon on the list he reaches for the package on top and drops it into the cart. A woman picks up the one on top and looks it over. Satisfied with the flat side, she holds it sideways and scans it slice by slice. It's never good enough so she repeats the routine with another pack. After that she is likely to shake her head and move on without bacon.
A man may see a couple of other men he knows and they say, "Hi," in passing because each is on a mission. A woman comes face to face with another woman she saw three hours earlier and both act like it's an unexpected reunion after 30 years of being apart. They'll talk for five minutes or so, laughing and giggling about something that probably has to do with men.
At the fruit and vegetables. Jackie picked up a cantaloupe and examined it as closely as a bomb expert examines an unexploded grenade. Then she sniffed it. A man would rather undergo the Chinese water torture than be seen sniffing a cantaloupe. After half a dozen melons failed the sniff test, she found one that pleased her.
So that's the way it went yesterday. After what seemed an eternity we approached the checkout lanes. But no, Jackie suddenly remembered one more thing which naturally was 50 yards away at the far end of the store. Mission accomplished, she headed back toward the checkout area with me following 10 or 12 feet behind. Along the way she glanced over her shoulder and said, "Will you get a move on? You're holding me up."
posted by Dick Stodghill | 6/12/2008 10:33:00 AM
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