Do People Willingly Eat This Stuff?

On a message board for writers someone asked what food people really detest. Like any man with his head screwed on right I said liver. Actually what I wrote was something like, "Rather than eat liver I'd prefer to be buried up to my neck in sand next to an ant's nest with my head drenched in honey."

I'm not alone in this because I have checked the garbage cans at countless Army mess halls on days when liver was on the menu. Without exception it was difficult to find a place to deposit my own serving of the dreadful stuff because the cans were filled to overflowing. Gallup could have taken a poll on liver being served in mess halls and the result would have shown 99 per cent of us with thumbs down.

Almost anything the English eat would finish close behind liver on the distasteful list. Just the names they give food is enough to turn the stomach of the strongest man. How about asking, "What's for dinner?" and being told bubble and squeak. Or bangers and mash. Or toad in a hole.

At the top of my hate list of English food is beefsteak and kidney pudding. How could any civilized person ruin a perfectly good piece of beefsteak by mixing it with kidneys and calling it a pudding? I can't imagine.

I'll admit another English favorite, beans on toast, doesn't sound too bad, but I'll bet they're talking about some big, mushy kind of beans, not Boston baked beans.

On many an occasion I've told my favorite British food horror story so I'll repeat it one more time. On a truck convoy that started in France, wended its way through Belgium and Holland before arriving at a British military post in Germany, we were fed English food. It was unbelievable, indescribable. All that saved it from total disaster was being able to look forward to the chocolate pudding for dessert. Chocolate pudding? No, it turned out to be a cup of cold gravy. How do the English ever survive to adulthood?

In fairness, though, I'll repeat the story about a breakfast in Denmark. As we filed into the dining room there was a plate waiting at every chair and it looked delicious - eggs sunny side up, bacon, toast. Unfortunately it was all prepared in advance and had been setting there overnight.

Did I mention beet meringue pie? That was at Fort Benjamin Harrison. Grits at Fort Benning? K- Rations any time, anywhere? Yuck.

Recalling all this has been delightful, but I think I may skip lunch.

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